The Powers of a Man

A story by the Manga Shoggoth

Characters in this story are owned either by myself, or other posters on the Board.

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

So out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him.

So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; and the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.

And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2. v18-25, Revised Standard Version

Joe Pepper was on the verge of pinching himself. This had to be a dream.

She was young, blond and attractive. She liked Elvis. She liked the jump-suit.

Her opinion of sentient knives was unknown, but since Knifey was not around this not being treated as a problem. Yet.

Her fingers ran through his quiff, and whispered something in his ear. He wasn't sure what as he was still shivering from the fingers in the quiff.

She tilted her head back, favouring him with a shy smile, then raised her lips to his...

Somewhere in the background, a phone was ringing. Joe tried to ignore it.

He managed right up to the point when a sentient knife yelled "Wake up and answer the d--- phone".

It has been noted in the past that Joe Pepper is not a "morning person". It takes a while(1) for his higher functions to come online. He answered the phone with what little sleepy grace he could.

"Uggh?"

"Good Morning Manny!" announced an attractive female voice, recognisable as Dancer. "Can you do me a small...personal...favour please?"

As has been noted, Joe's higher functions do not come online early in the morning. His lower ones, on the other hand, were always online and rather susceptible to suggestive requests from attractive females.

"Yugh!"

"Good. Meet me outside the Lair Mansion in half an hour."

About three hours later, two figures could be seen working their way through the shopping centres of Paradopolis. They were colour co-ordinated - white flowing robes and white Elvis jump-suit - but that seemed to be the only thing about them that matched.

Joe Pepper was maintaining a sullen silence. He had turned up at the Lair Mansion in the hopes of spending some "quality" time with Dancer, and had in fact been dragooned into a...Shopping Expedition(2)...with this...rather attractive, dusky female called Ebony, who he had vaguely heard of as some sort of religious personage.

Ebony of Nubilia was maintaining a frosty silence. Dancer had invited her out on a shopping trip, and then ducked out at the last second claiming an emergency shift at work. She strongly suspected that Dancer was trying to set up some form of blind date.

Knifey was keeping very quiet. It knew there was some form of Elder Creature nearby, but was unable to locate it. It also felt...familiar.

The Shoggoth was keeping extremely quiet. It felt that Ebony did not get out enough, and was rather intrigued by this "blind date" concept that Dancer had explained. It was hoping for a little shojo(3) action.

The mood was rather ruined by the screams coming from the First Paradopolis Bank.

Oh well, thought the Shoggoth. A little shonen won't do any harm.

Ebony and Joe carefully made their way into the bank, pushing their way through the members of the public who were bravely fleeing the scene. Various security guards littered the floor, and by the counters a man in hooded robes was using an ornate staff to cajole the cashiers into filling a sack up with cash.

Joe, motivated by a desire to look good (and also in the knowledge that this was not shopping) immediately drew Knifey and charged. Something threw him back, causing him to land in a sprawl at Ebony's feet.

"Some sort of invisible creature." Commented Knifey.

"Thanks a heap." responded Joe. "Why didn't you say that earlier?"

"Couldn't see it."

"Ha!" exclaimed the caped robber. "I expected some sort of superhero to try to foil my plans."

"Does he mean you?" Ebony asked the prone figure.

"Well, " admitted the figure, "I was expecting someone a little more...powerful. Now feel the wrath of The Summoner".

The Summoner waved his cane in their general direction. "Kill him." he instructed his creature.

Joe managed to roll clear before something hit the floor where he had been sprawled. Whatever it was, the impact made the floor shake.

Why can't the d--- thing screech loudly like any other self-respecting invisible creature?" yelled Joe, waving Knifey wildly in an attempt to hit the creature.

The reward for his pains was to be slammed against the wall.

"Can't you do something about this? I mean, surely banishing summoned creatures is a holy-person-type thing?"

Ebony considered this for a moment. "Well, traditionally you need to know the name of the creature before you banish it. Besides, I normally do Elder Creatures."

"Ha! I foresaw this technique, and summoned a creature with no name!" exulted the Summoner.

At this point Joe caught thump in a rather sensitive spot. He doubled over. In a way this rather went to his advantage as the creature's next swipe was at head level, but as the creature was invisible this rather comforting fact passed him by. The thump did have the effect of making him angry.

"OK, that's it." he yelled, pointing Knifey.

"It's behind you." offered Ebony.

"You can see it?" asked both men in chorus.

"No." replied Ebony, being strictly honest.

Joe turned round and pointed his knife again. "OK, invisible thing..." he started...and then stopped. He had felt something, but wasn't quite sure what.

In the mean time, the Shoggoth oozed from Ebony's amulet and formed a large circle round the pair. Just in case.

"Kill him." yelled the Summoner, who was starting to have that small nagging feeling that something had just gone wrong.

I think, mused the Shoggoth, That your spells no longer bind the creature.

The Summoner barely had time to scream before the Invisible Thing tore him apart.

"What happened?" Joe Pepper asked at last.

Honestly. Commented the Shoggoth, Don't you humans ever read your Holy Books?

The episode had had some compensations. The atmosphere was less sulky, and had thawed to the extent that the two parties were now talking to each other. They had even gone as far as to discuss lunch(4), or at least, a meal.

"...But what did it mean 'Holy Books'? I've seen the Bible, heard of the Korahn but not come across anything about invisible summoned creatures."

"There's also the Veda, various Sutras and a smattering of Ionic scrolls." Ebony replied. "The Human Race is not exactly short of holy writings."

Joe inspected his coffee for a moment.

"Does your...deity...have any holy books?".

"Not exactly. The Necronomicon doesn't count, of course, but the Shoggoth is rather partial to 'Urusei Yatsura'. I'm not a great fan myself, but do like 'Love Hina' and 'Call Me Princess'. And 'OL Shinkaron', of course. To me that is more of a fantasy than any of the others.(5)"

"So you are worshipping a Comic Book fan?"

"Not exactly worshipping." She replied. "Now, if you will excuse me, my duties await. Thank you for lunch."

Ebony rose and left the Cafe. As she left, she heard the voice of the Shoggoth whispering in her ear.

How long do you think before he notices that he has an Invisible Thing following him around?

Notes for the interested and confused:

(1) Until 1pm usually. Definitely not a morning person.

(2) This was the bit he objected to.

(3) Roughly speaking, "Shojo" are "girls stories", usually leaning towards Romance. "Shonen" are "boys stories", usually leaning towards action. Oddly enough, some shojo stories are surprisingly popular with western males.

(4) Or "Breakfast" in Joe's normal frame of reference.

(5) Urusei Yatsura (aka Lum/The Return of Lum), Love Hina and Call Me Princess are freely available Manga/Anime. OL Shinkaron (Literally: Evolution of the Office Lady, aka Survival in the Office) is a set of strip cartoons about office workers.